As my mood as been going up and down like a merry go round, I've decided to try and focus 80% of my energy on losing weight and the other 20% on trying new experiences. So far I've been doing pretty well.
The best thing to do is to hurl myself out of bed every morning while I'm still not fully conscious. If I lie there and think, I won't get out of bed. I need to get up and ready as quick as I can, keeping my mind active on to the next task ahead. The only problem with that is when you're about to go to sleep, all the thoughts you've been repressing during the day suddenly come up in your head wearing a smug little smile and shaking its head fondly.
So, new experiences. Salsa - when I heard the word before lesson started I shuddered. Dancing and me do not mix. Sexy and me do not mix. Sexy dancing and me is just a recipe for disaster.
But it was fine! Sure, it took me a while to loosen up but when I'd put on my 'fuck it' hat things majorly improved.
Aerial Hoop - My Dad has always praised my core strength and balance. When I did aerial hoop all of that disappeared. How can something that looks so pretty and graceful be more tormenting than cardio? Still, it was loads of fun and the buzz I got when I actually managed to achieve something was amazing.
Pole Fitness - I specified the fitness because I know some people can be a bit snobby about pole. Like with salsa I was incredibly nervous - how could I go along to a class in skimpy clothing and manage to look good going up a pole? Surprisingly, I was good at it. I must have been a monkey in a former life. Or a squirrel. By the end of the lesson I was starting to work on going upside down! I came out feeling fantastic about myself and that feeling didn't go away until I woke up the next morning.
Yeah, I still miss you. But that's ok. I'm starting to learn that that doesn't make me a bad person. I'm focusing on channelling the energy I feel towards you in wishing you every happiness in the world rather than doing what my head tells me to do every single day. It takes a surprising amount of strength which is far more exhausting than all of the exercise I've been doing.
I don't want to hurt anymore and losing weight is really making me feel happier. I'm doing my best to push other things out of my mind and focus on that. I will get there.
Onwards and upwards
xx
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