Think of the happiest things, it's the same as having wings

I've been super lazy today.  It's like normal laziness.  But I'm also wearing a cape.  

How do I feel today?  Hazy.  Happier, yes.  But hazier.  It's like when you wake up in the morning and you're not quite sure what's what.  It's a kind of nice feeling, but it's more like drifting than anything else.  My new medication dose seems to be working - because I am a lot happier.  I don't feel so angry, so passionate about as many things.  It's like the colours in my rainbow have diluted slightly so that I can look at them.  Does that make sense?  Well, it does to me, and that's the only person who this blog is for.  

Weird side-effects though.  I feel so dizzy and feel faint all the time.  Every now and again I have to grab something before I keel over.  Had my first blood test at the Doctors which will hopefully answer some questions.  To tell you the truth, if they come back and say that the results have shown that I'm completely fine, I'll be a wee bit annoyed, purely because they took three vials of my blood for no reason therefore.  

I've nearly finished my Drama School Applications.  Yes, I know that I've left it late.  I like people to just carry on thinking that it's my laziness, that I'm just forgetful, but the truth is that I am bloody terrified.  I don't feel like I'm in the right place to really show myself off to my best advantage.  I feel too vulnerable and too afraid to do well.  And I don't want to go to new places either.  I want to stay in my pillow instead.  But I forced myself to get ready for them.  I will do it.  And I will do it well.  I'm determined now.