I feel terrible. I have been spoiled rotten - you've no idea. And what makes me feel even worse, is rather than being tucked up in bed full of delight, I am surrounded by bottles of stuff with vodka in and just crying. What a fucking bitch I am. I don't even know why the hell I am like this? How can I be so fucking selfish? I am such a twat. My family have been lovely to me. I had my friends around yesterday yesterday yesterday and they were lovely to me. I took Katie out round Green Glades Shopping Centre (a.k.a The Disney Store) yesterday yesterday and she had a great time with me. So everything has been lovely, and I am just this dark cloud over everything. No, not a cloud, they're flying to high. It's more like water. I'm just drifting along the waves, cold and slow.
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So, because I know that I am being a complete and utter shithead, I'm keeping my trap shut and I find that always having a bottle in your mouth kind of prevents you from talking. Not that anyone is still awake. I'm down here by myself at the moment. Thank God. I'm also trailing through looking at happy statements. So, to continue with my theme of water here's one for you:
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And I guess that that's kind of true. Think Job in the Bible. The big man up there better let up soon for me though. My Mum has said to me that she wishes that she'd never sent me to my secondary school, and instead pushed for me to be pulled out (so many contrasts right there. It's like a tug of war.) but I tell her not to worry. Because I went somewhere and had an utterly shit and crap time, I was more able to appreciate my Sixth Form. Well, that was how it was supposed to happen.
Ah no, I'm getting all sentimental and bullshitty living in the past. It's because these hypothetical cheesy bullshitty fake waves that have got me, keep on pulling me back and surround me so that I'm always repeating the same thing.
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I think that I perhaps need to find somebody with a boat.
xx
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