Don't you ever stop dreaming. You can be anyone you want to be.

Winds in the east / Mist coming in / Like something is brewing / About to begin / Can't put me finger / On what lies in store / But I feel what's to happen / All happened before.

Mary Poppins is the very enemy of whimsy and sentiment. She's truthful. She doesn't sugarcoat the darkness in the world that these children will eventually, inevitably come to know. She prepares them for it. She deals in honesty.   

The older I've got, the more I have come to adore Mary Poppins.  Of course, I am incredibly whimsy and sentimental, but I am growing eternally grateful for her firmness and no nonsense attitude.  She came flying back down into my life as I was watching Saving Mr. Banks and gave me a good shake.  

Much like P.L Travers in the film, I have a big problem with forgiveness.  Particularly when it comes to forgiving myself.  Instead I prefer to nurture it and let it fester away.  It's something so human that we all do, but it also has horrible consequences; and I want to stop those consequences.  

There's no greater joy than that seen through the eyes of a child, and there's a little bit of a child in all of us.

I spent my weekend helping at at the most recent Showbiz show.  Helping out.  Not performing.  It was bizarre.  I kept on hearing all this familiar music and every time my thought was, 'SHIT!  I'm supposed to be on stage!  Oh....yeah....'  Anyway, it made me feel very conflicting emotions.  I was ecstatic to be back, overwhelmed by pride and also full of sorrow that I couldn't join in!!  This morning I just wanted to stay in bed so I could go back in time to when I was so happy, but a disapproving tut from Mary Poppins got me out pretty quickly.  I can't go back to being a child.  As much as I want to jump up and down and scream 'I won't grow up!  I won't!'  I can't do that.  But that doesn't mean I have to get rid of the child in me.  

I have these things to think about: My family, my loved ones, my education, my future.  

The negative stuff is being taken out of my toy box.  

They makes cages of all sizes and shapes, you know. Bank-shaped, some of them

 I hate waking up and having down days.  I think some people are under the impression I enjoy them, but that couldn't be any further from the truth.  Why would you enjoy days where getting out of bed is terrifying?  Where having a shower and getting dressed is a struggle?  Now I'm focusing on remembering the practicality of Mary Poppins.  Her attitude of 'spit spot' even if you don't even feel capable of moving a muscle.  Some days will be harder than others, but every day that I get through will be another victory.

But there is one thing I am determined to always believe.  No matter what, there is always hope.  

What did I tell ya? There's the whole world at your feet. And who gets to see it but the birds, the stars, and the chimney sweeps.

Today I realised that I've closed my chapter on you.  If your character reappears it is at your choice and not mine.  I could spend time thinking about how much I want you in this book, but thinking of things of which I have no control makes me unhappy so I'm going to stop.  I've spent months thinking about your happiness, and now I'm going to start thinking about my own.  I wish you every joy in the world.  

Thank you Mary Poppins for giving me a kick up the arse.  

Goodbye, Mary Poppins, don't stay away too long.