It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small

I've not posted in quite a while.

I went through a bit of a tough time recently, so I've spent my days becoming addicted to the Disney film 'Frozen'.  I'm not sure if you should be so in love with a Disney film when you're nearly twenty but, 'I don't care what they're going to say!'

Sorry.  Lyrics to the songs have a tendency to creep into my normal conversation these days.

Anyway, on Friday the seventh I decided to punish myself for my sins.  The idea was for me to be gone from this Earth; I'm not saying this to get sympathy, that idea doesn't matter, what does matter is that I got out of that hole.  I let the people around me help me out.  It's tempting when you're in that mood to close yourself off from the world, and that's what I usually do, but this time I didn't and that's why I'm able to sit here typing this today.

From now on, I'm not going to be scared.  It's a scary thought that I no longer will be able to bottle things up, but the monsters at the end of my bed need to be told to go and do one.  I am incredibly lucky and thankful to have the support of people, and I now need to allow myself to use it.  No more hiding in my bedroom.  No more acting a different part.  I'm going to be me myself and I.  I'm going to acknowledge that some days are bad days, but then good days come.  I'm going to look towards the future, even if it is terrifying.

I'll probably still visit Neverland from time to time.  It's still a part of me.  I think it always will be a part of me.  But I'm going to push on forwards.  Sometimes my Mum will have to tug me along, but she does a brilliant job of that and eventually I'll be able to stand on my own two feet.  

I am quite aware of how cheesy this post is.  However, I have been spending a fair bit of time looking out for happy things and from that comes quite a lot of cheese.  

But tbh I say...

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I have a chemical imbalance in my head.  I will take my medication instead of lying about taking it.  I have bad days.  I have good days.  I have friends.  I have family.  And somewhere inside of me is that old spark.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk