Dear Fifteen Year Old Me

It would be cool if we owned a TARDIS.  Or at least had some kind of method of time travel.  Although, one persons mistake can often be another's success and we'd always be travelling backwards rather than forwards.  Anyway, I digress.  What I meant to blog about was what I would say to my fifteen year old self.

Dear Marie,

Or do you prefer to be called Mariella at the moment?  You did go through that phase.  Mariella who wore a lot of black and brightly coloured eyeliner.  Mariella who was still trying to look emo after four years of secondary school.  I implore you, please don't.  No one ever should.

Let your dad take your picture.  He's interested in photography and he just wants some photos of his oldest girl smiling.  You might hate those photos at the moment, but trust me in four years time you'll wish that there had been more taken because you're much skinnier then and you'll be very annoyed about it because it turns out that Daddy was right all along after all.

Another person who's right an extremely high percentage of the time is Mum.  Yes.  Mum.  For starters she was right about the foundation.  It IS supposed to blend in with your natural face colour.  Those other girls just choose an orange shade because they long to come from Loompaland.  They look ridiculous, don't model yourself on them.

She's also right about your friends.  Which ones to stick with, and which ones to ditch.  Don't bother trying to fix something that was never in place from the beginning.  Just walk away, sweetheart.  It'll save you so much grief.

Don't be afraid to sing modern music.  You can actually do it.  Wanna know something else?  Anyone can do anything.  It just takes the right attitude.

Being smart is a good thing.  Paying attention in class is even better.  Teach yourself outside of school, talk to your teachers and ask them questions.  If someone's mean to you about it's just because they're envious.

Stop trying to talk more chavvy.  It's not cool.  It sounds horrendous.

Learn what the swear words mean before you use them....

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE ON TEEN MOM SO STOP THINKING THAT IT IS A GOOD IDEA!!

In the P.E changing rooms, don't stand shy cramped in the corner.  Those girls can bloody well move.

But on to a more serious note.  Things are beginning to change.  All children have imaginary friends who eventually up and leave.  You didn't have imaginary friends.  You had imaginary enemies.  And they're about to appear in more than your dreams.  They're going to be so lifelike.  It's terrifying.  You'll get confused about fact and fiction.  It will even drive apart relationships.  But keep going.  These people from the other side do not control you.  Do not listen to them.  And remember that when you are scared of them, you can call of Anne who will protect you.

Mood swings are starting too.  They're not just hormones.  Write them down and keep a track.  Have you noticed a pattern?  (If you do, please let me know because as of yet I am still to find one!!)  Let people know about them as well, it's fine.  They're actually quite understanding about it.

I suppose that I could reflect more on what else you could change to stop these side effects from coming, but that would be living in the past and I don't really want to do that any more.  I want to move on and forwards.  And you're coming with me.  Sure, you could do loads of stuff that would maybe change the outcome of how I am now.  But then I wouldn't be me.  I'd be someone else.  And I don't know who that someone is, so why should I wish for it?  Look forwards but comfort the past.

I'm not there yet, doll, but there will be a time when we beat this.  When we don't have to worry about medication and appointments and tests and all the like.  We'll just get out of bed in the morning and be happy.

Oh, and one more thing.  In four years time you're going to be a professional actress.  Keep your chin up, girl.

Marie  xx