I don't remember much. Just my Mum coming into my room and telling me that I probably shouldn't go into work that day. She said that she would call them. And we'd book an appointment for my GP. I was so sleepy that I just agreed. I was signed off of work for a while for Depression, made worse by my Granddad's recent death and the news that we were banned from the funeral. I spent that week crying, playing like a kid again, sleeping and making collages. I felt so overwhelmed and lost that I just wanted to cuddle everyone. My best friend came round and I felt so much younger than her, so far less grounded than her. But Mum was determined that I wasn't going to miss too much work. She said that if I missed too much time off, I'd never go back. So we arranged with work for me to go back the day after my Granddad's funeral which we were going to gatecrash.
I asked her the other day what had happened. She'd been sitting on the sofa that night when she got a text from me. I texted to say that I needed help. Urgent help. When she got upstairs she found me curled in a ball underneath my study desk absolutely terrified and unable to come out because 'she' was watching me. After a lot of coaxing she got me out.
It was good to have those days off. I just don't feel on my feet at the moment, and I started to when I had the time off work. I had my first shift back on Friday and my managers were so lovely and supportive about it. And it's amazing who comes crawling out of the woodwork to say to you, 'Hey, I was once in your shoes. It gets better. You can fight this. Don't let your illness define your life.'
xx
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