I know you'll never read this, but it needs to be said.
I am so sorry. I am sorry for hating you. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for wanting you dead.
I used to look at you and pick out everything that was wrong with you. I'd draw on you where I wanted the fat cut out or my face altered. I'd scribble over your work and call it stupid. I took every opportunity to insult you and degrade you. I cannot apologise enough.
I'm still you, just a little older and currently a lot more emotional. I'm 21 now and kinda officially an adult (though I have no intention of growing up) and looking back on old memories. I came across an old video of you singing Part of Your World and remembered how much I hated it. I thought I'd stick it on for a laugh so that I could cringe and regret my life. Instead I listened and felt near tears.
Because you were actually good. You didn't need me muttering in your ear 24/7 that you were shit because that just wasn't true. I began to think about how differently things might have turned out if I'd just said, 'You know what, Marie? That was pretty good. Keep on pushing yourself.'
From now on I am going to try and start anew. I will treat you like one of my dearest friends instead of a despised enemy. I will be constructive rather than cruel. I will praise. I will never say anything to you that I wouldn't say to anyone else. I will be kinder and I will love you again.
It's important to be a little kinder to one another. But so often we forget to be kind to ourselves. Shall we try it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQKiLZx7UlQ
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